January 27, 2012
January 26, 2012
January 25, 2012
Tonight.
- Sade: What are you doing tonight?
- Me: Work... Then me & Owen are having a beer party!
- Sade: What is a beer party...?
- Me: It's where you drink beer until you're drunk. It's super trendy.
- Sade: What is your life?
January 24, 2012
Interviewer: You’ve long argued for the decriminalization of marijuana. Do you smoke weed?
Barney Frank: No.
Interviewer: Why not?
Barney Frank: Why do you ask a question, then act surprised when I give an answer? Do you think I lie to people?
Interviewer: I thought you might explain why you support decriminalizing it but don’t smoke it.
Barney Frank: Do you think I’ve ever had an abortion?
Awesome.
his pledge to her:
i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random texts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you.
You can eat the mushrooms though. Unless they’re magical. Then we share them.
mushroom tips?
OH MY GAWD. I ONCE HAD A BOYFRIEND WRITE ME THIS. ONLY I THOUGHT IT WAS ORIGINAL. I AM SO MAD.
